December 14th

December 14th…I couldn’t wait for December 14th because it would be first day of Christmas break. I would be free from homework, free from work, free to have fun and enjoy life again. Yet, once that romanticized break finally arrived I didn’t feel free or happy. Emptiness was overwhelming. I could watch one more movie, spend more time with friends, spend more time talking with family, spend more time focused on pleasing myself, but this was making me feel sick and empty. I had worked all semester just so that I could reach that amazing break, but for some reason it no longer seemed amazing.

I’ve noticed that we work not for the sake of working but to reach the next break, the next weekend, the next hour when we can finally head home. We hate having to work because, honestly, it’s hard. Who wants to be exerting themselves, pushing themselves to seemingly unreachable heights when you could be hanging with friends or vegging in front of the T.V. We are not happy at work but are happy once we leave it behind and can amuse ourselves.

Amusement has been equated to happiness, but if this is true then why do I feel empty and disappointed when I finally have six weeks to amuse myself? We hate work because it takes away our happiness, but I believe that it is only through work that we are finally content. Saying no to my selfish desires to push through a difficult task may take effort, but it is only through these activities that we find the depth of living necessary for happiness. As Aristotle says, “Happiness is not found in amusement; for it would be absurd if the end were amusement, and out lifelong efforts and sufferings aimed at amusing ourselves. It seems correct to amuse ourselves so that we can do something serious, for amusement would seem to be relaxation and it is because we cannot toil continuously that we require relaxation. Relaxation, then, is not the end; for we purse it to prepare for activity.” We seem to have confused which is the end and which is the mean. Work is seen as the mean to living; a good job pays for a house, food, and extra money to spend on amusing ourselves. We do not work to make us happy but to allow us to live in our society. But amusement should be the mean to productive work, not work being the mean to amusement. If the whole point of our being is to amuse ourselves, we are empty and unsatisfied. We are cutting ourselves short of a much greater purpose, but that purpose does take effort and self-denial.

Work…taking the focus off of myself. It doesn’t sound pleasant and is something I struggle with daily. Pleasing myself is so much easier and obviously brings immediate pleasure, but an empty pleasure. I have to work to get the focus off of myself, but once I do this I can finally glorify my Creator, fulfilling who I am made to be. I am tired of being a creature who was meant for one purpose but is trying to work properly while doing something completely different, like a spoon trying to excellently cut meat instead of stirring the sauce. All that I get is worn down and discouraged that I can’t seem to cut anything.

God, I pray you will help me to humbly deny my selfishness. Help me to not get so involved in pleasing myself that I forget that I am your child. Help me to know how to act as you want. I want to please you but I seem to always be faced with the question of how. Teach me what it truly means to have you as my number one priority. –Your Daughter